Today, as I write, is Friday 27 June, 2014…
- It is three months since I first held my beautiful daughter.
- It is three months since I had to say goodbye to her.
- It is another milestone – 3 months without my baby girl. I should still be pregnant with her.
- It is annual Remembering Day (Red Nose Day) dedicated to all the beautiful and precious children that are no longer with us.
- I should be finishing my first week of maternity leave but I’m still at work.
But I’m OK.
There have been no tears today (this time 1 and 2 months ago I found myself so upset at the time of day she passed away). I haven’t struggled today. I’ve had a good day. I’ve smiled and celebrated my goddaughter, Libby, turning 3 today. It only occurred to me last night that it has been 3 months. I’ve stopped counting the weeks.
It’s a sign that I’m ready to start sharing our story…
This blog is in memory of my daughter Lily Mary Lockyer, born prematurely on 26 March 2014 at just 23 weeks and 6 days into my pregnancy. My perfect little girl passed away peacefully just one day later on 27 March 2014, much too small for this big world.
Throughout our journey my husband, Pete, and I have been very open with our friends, family, colleagues and the many people we meet on a day to day basis about what has happened to us. We never questioned our approach; we just did what felt natural to us and by doing so found that it strengthened our memory of Lily.
Our openness encouraged those affected by a similar situation to be open with us: friends, family, midwives and colleagues. The list goes on. By writing this blog I hope to raise awareness of premature birth and help other women, couples and families in a similar situation to us.
Over the course of the next weeks, and months, I’ll be winding back the clock to share our story with the wider community. It won’t be easy but hopefully a healing process for us, as well as others.
For now, here are some words from Pete’s reflections speech at Lily’s funeral service. He spoke so beautifully with so much pride, like every father has for their daughter and I am so happy that Lily was graced with a dad like Pete.
We are so proud of you Lily. You have lead a perfect life and are an example to us all. You will forever remain in our hearts, and we will honour your life by giving back to those who need it. We could not be any prouder of you or love you anymore.
An angel is a guiding influence who embodies goodness, purity and selflessness.
Rest in peace Lily, our perfect little angel.